The term “falling behind” is trending lately between me and my friends. We often talk about how people our age have so much accomplishment, on their way to the moon, or getting married and start a family.
There are moments where I feel like everyone around me is running as I stand there — watching them with my bare feet. No matter how hard I try, I’m still stuck trying to reach the unknown future ahead. It could be a fleeting feeling, or a lasting one.
That thought reminded me of a lyric from Taylor Swift’s song called this is me trying.
“I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere” — Taylor Swift
I have engraved that lyric in my mind for several years now. Many interpretations define it as a situation where a person was ahead of everybody else in some aspects in their life — relationship, career, or family, but ended up stuck in a vicious circle. I think I could relate to it in some extent.
I always thought writing and studying are the thing I’m best at. I was a fast-learner. Everything came naturally. But all of a sudden, I feel like everyone is ahead of me. I can not match the pace. I fell behind. I keep reminding myself that I have my own rhythm, so does everyone else. I need to slow down, live in the moment and trust the process.
But my mind is stronger than anyone’s mouth. Stronger than any motivational books. Stronger than my own sanity.
So, what’s the answer? When will I feel okay again?
Maybe I’ll be okay. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I will feel like this for the rest of my life.
Or,
I could start to think that it’s okay to be mediocre. It’s okay to take time. Take the longer path than everybody else. Explore everything. Feel everything. In the end, I’m the one enjoying my own life.
That is it for this episode. I know this piece is all over the places. Feel free to leave tips on how to write and correct my grammars! Thank u. xoxo
